As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
