he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
