sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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