did you get engaged???
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
