i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
