I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
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I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
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Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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