Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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