She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize