I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
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the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
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Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped