this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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