I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
