i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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