Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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