You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize