Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
