saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
