Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
