Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
