don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
