wanna go halves on a baby?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize