dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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