thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
