Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
