He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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