you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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