I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
