don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
