On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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