Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
