went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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