I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
