Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
