So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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