why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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