i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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