Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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