Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
