he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
