I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
