She announced her abortion via fbk
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
