I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
