hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
