Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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