I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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