I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
