The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
