you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
