I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
