It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
