OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
