I think scott just propositioned me for sex
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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