Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Randomize
