Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
