Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
