Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
