You really coming over, don't trick.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
