Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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