I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
