never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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