im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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