you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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