don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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