Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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