oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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