this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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