Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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