At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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