I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
