i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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