who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
