how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
her facebook's as public as her vagina
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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