She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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