Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
