I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
