Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
