I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
