Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
meet me or not, i'm out of control
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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