can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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