I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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