IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
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The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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