a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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