My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
